Those who are dead, are not dead...

they're just living in my head...

(no subject)
housesmileballon
labell
I move out of my mother's house today. Wow. Crazy.

What a crazy world.
innocent
labell
Apparently, for the past two years, I've only come and posted on here when I was sad and single. Wow. It chronicles a few of my missteps.

I've dated my best friend and broken up with him in this time frame. That was last winter. Thanksgiving through Valentine's Day. That ended bad, though we have come full circle back to being friends again - he's moved to Wisconsin and is dating my best friend.

Speaking of Wisconsin - I did buy my horse. And he is wonderful. Shadow is hard headed and adorable and he teaches me every day.

But I am no longer sad and single ever. I have found someone who is my other half. He perfectly balances me out. He is the left brain introvert to my right brain extrovetness. He keeps me sane and supports me everyday. I love him. He bought a house on the more inconvenient side of the water for him, just for me. He's my Mike.

Oh that note. In less than two weeks I'm moving. Holy crap.

How to love
housesmileballon
labell
I forgot this existed.


I'm not me, with CMT on the TV and Lil Wayne playing in the iTunes.

I'm having a rough time trying to orient myself to life.


Met someone who loved me better than anyone, ever, in my life. And now he's having a freak out, and isn't sure he can even handle a relationship. It truly is him, and not me. But damn. I'm so hurt and confused.

Trying to buy a horse, but that may fall through as well.

Trying to be a Parelli Professional, but looking at the rest of my life that is gonna fall through as well.

Awesome.

(no subject)
housesmileballon
labell
I'm having a rough time. Right now, I can't see him happy. Facebook is evil.

I blocked it so I couldn't see his posts....but then I go and look, and it's like a knife in the pit of my stomach over and over.

Even though I do have a date planned for Monday, it still hurts.

As petty as it sounds, at this stage, I feel like he doesn't deserve to be happy.


And if it's that blasted girl, I will FLIP. I will. Because then, I sat on two years of lies.

(no subject)
charlielove
labell
Am I not allowed to change my mind?

Can I do something else? Am I allowed to be (almost) 21 and confused? Can I do what I want and not what is expected of me? What if I can great at this other thing too, what if it makes me happier?

I'm so afraid I'll crash and burn, and prove my mother right. She only thinks I'm "thinking" of not applying to PT school this summer. I'm pretty sure I'm not. But I'm scared not to. But I want to do things.

Sadly, I just realized, to take a year off from going to PT school, I'll still have to apply this time next year, and what wouldn't really be taking a year off to figure things out. Ugh. So many complications. So many expectations.

I just want to be awesome, maybe at horses, that would be nice. I just want to develop horses, really, maybe help their humans through the rough spots. But that's not good enough, eh?

(no subject)
housesmileballon
labell
My sister (in-law) is working toward her master's degree, but her thesis is going to cost a lot of money to execute because she is in the arts, and they are not easy. If there is anyway you can donate money it would be AMAZING. She has worked her ASS off for this, and she really deserves it. There's a video on this website where she explains what exactly she is doing. It's very elaborate. This is an all-or-nothing donation. Money doesn't come out until March, and that's only if she meets her goal!

www.kickstarter.com/projects/1902733134/the-hyrtl-simulacrum-reconstructing-a-past

maybe...
edwardbellalovegrass
labell
I won't preoccupy myself with silly, insecure thoughts.

I won't preoccupy myself with silly, insecure thoughts.

I won't preoccupy myself with silly, insecure thoughts.

I spend way too much time worrying about things that probably are not a big deal and it takes away from my studying and relaxing time.

Trying to change this now.

2011
charlielove
labell
So...it's a new year.

I'm going to film my level 3.

I'm going to learn how to play with my horse under saddle.

I'm going to turn 21.

I'm going to finish physics, and apply to PT school.

Vacation #1: June 6 : Corolla, Outer Banks NC with EVERYONE, including Angela.

Vacation #2: June 22 : U2 in Baltimore with Zack!

Vacation #3: July or August going to see my brother in NYC with Zack.

Life is going to be awesome, end of story.

(no subject)
freedom
labell
I'm having such a hard time focusing.

End of semester-itis y'all.

Ouch.

(no subject)
axe
labell
I am TRYING to be productive, but ODU library crap is down, and I was going to work on my research article. GUESS NOT. ARUGH!

?

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