Those who are dead, are not dead...

they're just living in my head...

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Am I not allowed to change my mind?

Can I do something else? Am I allowed to be (almost) 21 and confused? Can I do what I want and not what is expected of me? What if I can great at this other thing too, what if it makes me happier?

I'm so afraid I'll crash and burn, and prove my mother right. She only thinks I'm "thinking" of not applying to PT school this summer. I'm pretty sure I'm not. But I'm scared not to. But I want to do things.

Sadly, I just realized, to take a year off from going to PT school, I'll still have to apply this time next year, and what wouldn't really be taking a year off to figure things out. Ugh. So many complications. So many expectations.

I just want to be awesome, maybe at horses, that would be nice. I just want to develop horses, really, maybe help their humans through the rough spots. But that's not good enough, eh?

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Just throwing in my experience for what its worth:

I had settled on doing my masters in HR - I had already even accepted an offer to study it because "OMG I was so sure this was what I wanted to do with my life"...

And then I was in a hotel room one night, realized that I was settling and had this niggling sensation that I really should be doing bio instead - even though I find it harder. I applied to the biotech position that night in the hotel room, got in 3 days later, and accepted on the spot.

So changing your mind is normal and something that will happen. If you feel like you're going to PT school just because it's expected of you, don't do it. I'll love to see you as a career horse trainer or something, personally :)

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